


It’s a Wonderful Life

by Ice_Queen784



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on It’s a Wonderful Life, But a Christmas fic nonetheless, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Depression, F/M, Guardian Angels, Kind of a dark Christmas fic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21967249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ice_Queen784/pseuds/Ice_Queen784
Summary: After a disastrous mission on Christmas Eve, Phil  starts to think that his agents would be better off without him. His guardian angel arrives and shows him how wrong he is.Based on It’s a Wonderful Life, one of my favorite Christmas movies.
Relationships: Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie/Yo Yo Rodriguez, Jemma Simmons/Grant Ward, Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons, Phil Coulson & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 10
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts and mentions of suicide 
> 
> This is based on the movie It’s a Wonderful Life, but you don’t have to have seen the movie to read this.

Phil walked down the street aimlessly. It was Christmas Eve, and freezing. There was ice on the sidewalk, and snow fell hard around him. But he didn’t care. Christmas wreaths hung from the street lights. Colorful lights were hung on the buildings. Christmas carols were playing, and there was a beautiful tree in the town square. But none of it did anything to brighten his mood. 

His team had just returned to the Playground from a disastrous mission. They had gone to fight a small group of enhanced individuals with possible connections to Hydra. Despite the group’s size, they were dangerous and potentially deadly. Phil had thought they could handle it. But he had been wrong.

Fitz and Simmons had been taken hostage and tortured. The team had been seriously injured saving them. Melinda had killed one, but the others didn’t flee. In the end, his agents had barely escaped at all. Now, they were all being examined and treated for their injuries. Daisy was currently unconscious after one of the attackers hit her from behind with a large lead pipe. Melinda had been shot twice in the abdomen, the bullets just barely missing vital organs. Fitz was stabbed and beaten brutally. He lost a lot of blood and went into shock. Simmons had been burned and electrocuted, just barely hanging onto consciousness. Himself, Mack, and Yo-Yo had been injured, but nothing nearly as serious as the others. 

And everything was his fault. It had been at his orders that his team had gone into the situation without backup in the first place. He had miscalculated the threat the group had posed, and now they were paying for it. 

He wondered, not for the first time, why Fury had chosen him as his successor. There were others far better suited to it than he was. He had made impulsive, reckless decisions, and his agents had suffered for it time and time again. He felt like everything bad that had happened to them was his fault. He was responsible for their well-being, and he had failed them again. 

Phil walked to a bridge and looked down over the edge. It was a long way down from here into the freezing river. If he jumped, he would drown, and even if someone got him out before he died, he would die likely die of hypothermia anyway. He considered it, not for the first time.

He already knew he should have died years ago. Fury had made a mistake bringing him back. All he had done was bring harm to everyone around him. They would be better off if he was dead. They would be better off if he had never been born at all. He should jump. They would all end up better off if he did. 

He was about to do it, but suddenly, he was snapped from his thoughts by a movement in the corner of his eye. He looked over to see a man jumping over the railing into the river below. Phil knew instinctively he had to save him. He jumped in after him.

The freezing water was a shock when he first hit it, but he quickly resurfaced and searched for the other man. He saw him a few feet away, struggling to keep his head above water. He swam over to him and grabbed him. It took a lot of effort, but he managed to get the man out of the river. 

He knew he had to get the man somewhere warm and dry fast. He ran with the other man to the nearest house. He knocked on the door. An old woman answered. 

“Ma’am, this man just jumped from the bridge. I got him out of the water, but I need to get him inside soon. He’ll freeze to death if I don’t.”

“Come in.” She agreed. 

“Thank you.”

“The bathroom is down the hallway, the first door to the left.” The woman told him. “You can dry him off in there. I’ll find some clothes for him to change into. My husband’s should fit.”

He nodded and led the other man inside. It was a warm, cozy little house, with a small tree in the living room. He led the man to the woman’s bathroom. Once he got him dried off and changed, they sat down in the living room. The woman brought them hot tea to warm them up.

“Who are you?” Phil asked him. “Why did you jump in the river?”

“To save you.” The man answered. 

“What?”

“You would have jumped if I hadn’t.” He explained. “You were about to end your life.”

“How did you know that? And why did you jump to save me?”

“I’m your guardian angel.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Phil replied, annoyed. “If you’re going to lie to me, you could at least make it something believable.”

“I’m not lying.” He insisted. “My name is Jack. I’m your guardian angel. I was sent down to save you. Your friends are worried about you, you know.”

Phil didn’t know how to respond to that.

“I know you that you were thinking that your friends would all be better off without you.” He continued. “That they would be better off if you had never been born.”

“It’s true. Everything bad that’s happened to them is my fault. I’m supposed to protect them, but my decisions have gotten them hurt. Nearly killed. They would be better off if I had never been born.”

“That’s not true.” Jack reached his hand out to Phil. “Come on, I have something to show you.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: suicide

Phil followed Jack out of the old woman’s house. But the street they walked on to wasn’t the street they’d come in from. Suddenly, everything was dark and desolate. Everything seemed to be in ruins. There were hardly any people around. Most of the buildings were at least partially destroyed. It looked like a scene from a post-apocalyptic movie. 

“Where are we?” He asked.

“New York City.” Jack answered. 

“This isn’t what New York City looks like.” Phil pointed out.

“It is in this timeline.” 

“What are you talking about?”

“You thought everyone would be better off if you were never born.” He explained. “This is what the world would look like without you in it.”

“I don’t understand.” Phil replied. “What happened here that my existence somehow prevented?”

“In 2012, when Loki led the Chitauri to attack New York City, the World Security Council sent a nuke to destroy the aliens.”

“But the Avengers stopped that. Tony Stark flew the nuke into space while Natasha Romanoff opened the portal.”

“There are no Avengers in this timeline.” Jack told him. “It wasn’t until after your death that they learned how to work together. Your death was what united them. But now you’re in a world where you were never born. Without your death, they never learned how to work together. During the battle, they were too busy squabbling to stop the nuke. The city was destroyed and most of its citizens were killed. After that, SHIELD called the Avengers Initiative a failed mission. Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Captain America continued to work as SHIELD Agents for the next few years. Thor returned to Asgard. Iron Man and the Hulk both went back to their previous lives. The six of them never came together again.” 

“All because I wasn’t there?” He questioned.

“All because you weren’t there.” 

“Where are the Avengers now?”

“Black Widow is hiding somewhere and Thor is still on Asgard as far as we know. The others were killed in the aftermath of the Hydra Uprising.”

He couldn’t believe it. How had his life had this much of an impact on the world? 

Suddenly, worry shot through him. What had happened to his team? What had happened to Melinda?

“Where is Melinda May?” He demanded. 

“She’s dead.”

Jack’s words hit him like a ton of bricks. How could Melinda be dead? She was supposed to be better without him. Safer without him. He loved her. How was she dead? 

“I don’t understand.” Phil felt tears welling up in his eyes. “How did she die?”

“Follow me.” He replied. 

They walked a few feet into an abandoned apartment building. Suddenly, they weren’t in New York anymore. They were in the house Melinda had lived in with Andrew when they were married. 

He followed Jack upstairs. They walked into the bathroom. Melinda was there, staring into the mirror. Tears ran down her face. Her gun was on the counter beside her. 

“Melinda,” he walked over to her and tried to take her hand. She didn’t respond.

“She can’t see or hear you.” Jack told him. 

“What’s going on here?”

“It’s May, 2008. A few weeks after the incident in,”

“Bahrain.” Phil finished for him, coming to a horrifying realization. “Oh, god no.” 

“After Bahrain, you were the only one there for her. You were the one who got her through that, or at least didn’t let her shut herself off completely. But in this timeline, she had no one.” 

Melinda picked up the gun. 

“Melinda, please don’t do this.” Phil begged her, even though she didn’t know he was there. “Please, you don’t have to do this. You’re not evil. You’re not a monster. You did what you had to do. You’re a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman and I love you.”

She didn’t hear his words. Instead, she took a deep breath, put the gun to her head, and pulled the trigger. She fell to the floor.

“Melinda, no.” He dropped to his knees beside her and cradled her head in his hands. Blood poured out of her wound and onto his heads, but he knew it would be gone when he left. He started sobbing. “Melinda, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I love you. I love you so much and you don’t even know it. But I do. I love you. I’m sorry.”

He hated himself more than ever. And there was nothing he could do but cry over her as the life drained from her body.


	3. Chapter 3

Phil followed Jack silently out of Melinda’s house, feeling guilty and empty. He had thought the people he cared about would have been better off without him. How could he have been so wrong? And what had become of the others? 

When they stepped out onto the street, they were now outside the Triskelion. The building seemed to be in chaos. It looked as though the helicarrier had very recently crashed into it. 

“Is it 2014 now?” Phil guessed.

“It is.” Jack confirmed. 

“What happened to the rest of my agents?” 

Jack didn’t reply. Phil followed him into the building. It was chaos inside. Hydra agents were running around everywhere. 

“Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff still stopped Hydra from carrying out their full scale attacks.” Jack explained. “But the world still thinks Nick Fury is dead. And without you, no one will be here for the remainder of SHIELD to rally behind. No one to take over as a true Director of SHIELD. A few factions of SHIELD will try to take over, but they will never recover from this. Hydra will gain power in SHIELD’s place, although they remain mostly underground for now.”

He followed Jack upstairs into a locked lab. Inside, he saw several scientists hiding in the dark, but he only knew two. Fitz and Simmons. He knew immediately something awful was about to happen to them.

”You weren’t at SHIELD, so Fitz and Simmons never joined your team on The Bus.” Jack explained. “So they were here at the Triskelion when everything went down.”

Hydra agents broke down the door and opened fire. Among them was Grant Ward. 

When Ward got to Fitz and Simmons, he dragged them out from under their desk. Fitz stood frozen in terror, tears streaming down his face. Simmons looked like she had been crying too. But she faced Ward bravely. 

She grabbed the first thing she could get her hands on, a microscope, and swung it at him. She hit him in the chest with it and he staggered backwards. But when he regained his bearings, he shot Fitz in the head. The Scottish engineer fell to the floor. Simmons started sobbing.

She lunged at Ward again, but this time, he grabbed her and slammed her against the wall.

“You have guts. And I presume you’re intelligent.” He remarked with a smirk. “You’re beautiful too. It would be a shame for you to end up like your friend there. You just might be an asset to Hydra. What’s your name?”

Simmons spat in his face.

“None of your fucking business, you evil son of a bitch.” 

Ward took his gun and smacked her in the face with the hilt. She just glared at him. 

“I’d hate to have to leave another mark on that pretty face of yours.” He sneered. “So I’ll ask you again. What’s your name?”

“Jemma Simmons.” She told him. 

“Jemma Simmons.” He smiled. “I’ve heard that name before. You’re one of the most brilliant scientists SHIELD has. And now, you can be one of the most brilliant scientists Hydra has. Or you can be dead. The choice is yours.”

Simmons didn’t reply at first. But Phil could see the wheels turning behind her eyes. He knew she wouldn’t choose death. If she thought there was a chance that she could avenge Fitz’s death by joining Hydra, then she’d do it. She’d follow Ward, with the intention of eventually killing him. She’d tried it in his timeline too.

“Well?” Ward questioned her. “Are you coming with me?”

She took a deep breath and said what Phil knew she’d say.

“I am.” 

Ward led Simmons out of the lab. Phil followed Jack out of the room with them. Just then, he saw Trip run past them, being chased by some Hydra agents, including his John Garrett, his supervising officer. Eventually, Garrett caught him. 

“Stop running, Trip.” Garrett told him. “You don’t have to die today. You’re a good agent. You’d be a valuable asset for Hydra.”

“If my choices are to join Hydra or die, then I choose death.” Trip replied. “I joined SHIELD to protect the world from evil bastards like you. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I join your ranks.” 

“Have it your way, then.” Garrett shrugged and shot him. 

Phil stood stunned, barely able to process everything that was unfolding. Jack led him into another room, but they suddenly weren’t in the Triskelion anymore. Now, they were on the  _ Iliad,  _ the ship that Robert Gonzales led his own faction of SHIELD from. Several SHIELD agents were in the room with Gonzales, including Anne Weaver, Bobbi, and Mack. 

“A year has passed since the Hydra uprising.” Jack told him. “This is what remains of SHIELD. They’re weak, low on funding and agents. Most of the agents who survived and stayed with SHIELD have now been killed or have abandoned the cause. Only a few remain. Almost all of them are in this room.”

“I take it Hydra is still out there.”

“Growing and thriving.” He confirmed.

At his words, Hydra agents broke into the room and swarmed the place, firing at will. Agents tried to fight back, but they were severely outnumbered. He saw Mack and another agent he didn’t recognize manage to flee from the room, but they had both been shot. No other agents escaped.

When it was all over, he saw bodies strewn across the floor. Including the body of Bobbi Morse. She had fought bravely, and had even taken a few Hydra agents down with her. But in the end, she had been killed. 

“What happened to Mack?” Phil asked. “Was he killed too?”

“No.” Jack led him out of the room. 

Now, they were in a small living room. There was a Christmas tree in the corner, but it wasn’t even lit. Mack sat on the couch alone, watching a football game and drinking a beer. But he didn’t look happy. 

“After he escaped, he got a job as a mechanic in a small town.” Jack told him. “But he never felt happy with it. He had a lot of survivors guilt. His heart was never in his work. He’s bounced from one job to another in different towns and cities. But he’s never settled down. He spends his evenings alone, thinking about the friends he lost to Hydra, and the daughter he lost all those years before that.” 

Phil walked out of the house and sat down on the porch steps. How had him simply being alive prevented so much death, destruction, and misery? And how much worse could this world without him get? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll post the last two chapters tomorrow. 
> 
> Please remember that if you’re struggling with depression/mental illness that you’re not alone. Suicide is never the answer. You’re important and your life has value. If you need help, reach out to a friend or family member, or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You are not alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets intense. You’ve been warned.

Eventually, Jack led him off the porch and down the street. But as they walked, the street changed. They were in a dark alley behind what appeared to be some kind of restaurant.

“Where are we now?” Phil asked. 

“London.” Jack answered. “Present day.”

“Why are we here?”

“We’re waiting for someone.”

A few minutes later, a man came running down the alley. He didn’t recognize him. But a second man came chasing after him. A man Phil did recognize. It was Hunter.

When Hunter caught up to the man, he tackled him and beat the absolute shit out of him. By the time he was done, the man was dead, and his face was only a bloody mess. 

“Bloody Hydra scum.” Hunter muttered before walking off.

“Ever since Bobbi died, Hunter has been hunting down anyone he can find who is or might be Hydra.” Jack explained. “He’s killed dozens of men and women. Some of them really were Hydra, some of them weren’t. He doesn’t concern himself too much with that part. He just wants revenge for Bobbi’s death.”

Phil didn’t know what to say anymore. He didn’t even know what to think anymore. 

Jack led him inside the restaurant. But it wasn’t a restaurant anymore, which Phil was honestly expecting at this point. Now, they were in a creepy old storage building that was clearly not being used for storage anymore.

“Welcome to Hydra’s headquarters.” Jack told him. “Are you ready to meet the heads?”

Phil was pretty sure he didn’t have a choice in the matter, so he didn’t bother replying. 

He followed Jack further into the building. Eventually, they reached an interrogation room. A woman was hanging upside down from a hook on the ceiling. The door opened, and Phil was shocked to see who walked inside. It was Simmons. 

“Are you ready to talk now?” She asked the woman tauntingly. “You don’t have much time left.”

The woman didn’t reply. 

“You have two options.” Simmons told her. “Tell us what you know, or die. And your time is quickly running out for the first option. It won’t be much longer until either your brain hemorrhages or the weight of your organs collapses your lungs.”

“I’m not afraid of dying.” The woman replied bravely. “I’m not telling you anything, you evil bitch. So if you’re gonna kill me, just do it now.” 

“Fine, then. Have it your way.” Simmons smiled cruelly. “But first, I’d like to take a little souvenir.” 

She opened the woman’s mouth and pulled out her tongue, taking a knife from her pocket. 

“I might as well just take this, don’t you think?” Simmons taunted. “You wouldn’t use it, and you certainly won’t be needing it anymore.”

She cut out the woman’s tongue and walked out of the room. Phil and Jack followed her. He wanted to help the woman, but he knew there was nothing he could do. Afterall, he wasn’t really there. 

In the next room, Ward was waiting for her. Simmons dropped the tongue and the knife on a table.

“She wouldn’t talk.” Simmons told him. “So I left her there to die.”

“You did your best, baby girl.” Ward told her. “Some people hate us more than they want to live.”

He leaned down and kissed her, taking her bloody hands and wrapping them around his waist. She kissed back passionately.

“What the hell happened to her?” Phil asked, horrified. This woman was not the Jemma Simmons he knew. 

“She joined Hydra with the intention of taking down Ward. But instead, she got sucked into it. Worse yet, she fell in love with him. They killed every other head of Hydra one by one. He’s the leader now, and she’s his right hand.”

“I don’t understand. Simmons isn’t evil.”

“Not in your timeline. But in this timeline, she went to the dark side.”

Phil couldn’t stand to watch his biochemist make out with that rat bastard any longer. Thankfully, Jack led him out of the room. 

The next room they entered was a tiny one room apartment. It was dirty and crawling with rats and roaches. Out the window, he saw a crowded city and a street lined with rundown apartment buildings. The midday sun shone on the people outside. 

“Where are we?” He asked Jack.

“Bogotá.” He told him.

“Is this where Yo-Yo lives?”

“It is. She never left Colombia, never met Mack and joined SHIELD. She never even got her powers, because SHIELD never found Afterlife and the Terrigen crystals never ended up in the ocean.”

The door opened, and Yo-Yo walked in. She looked tired.

“She works two jobs to get by and lives with her cousin Francisco.” Jack explained. “They’re poor, but they get by. She probably turned out the best of all your agents in this timeline.”

“What about Daisy?” She was the only one whose fate he had yet to find out. 

“Come with me.”

He followed Jack out of the apartment and onto the street. But they weren’t on the streets of Bogotá. It was the middle of the night now. They were in an alley in Los Angeles. There was a brown van parked there. He immediately recognized it as Daisy’s. 

Phil didn’t bother to wait for Jack before he opened the door to the van. But she wasn’t inside.

“Where is she?”

“She’s outside.” 

“Why?” It had to be well past midnight. Why was she not in her van?

“She’s working.” Jack answered.

Phil’s stomach flipped. He had a feeling that didn’t mean anything good.

He followed Jack out of the van and down the alley. He saw Daisy standing on the corner, wearing a tight, revealing dress. An older man approached her. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the man took her hand and led her to an apartment. Phil wasn’t sure he wanted to follow, but he did anyway. Daisy was like a daughter to him. He needed to protect her, even if there was nothing he could do to help her now.

They followed them up to a dark bedroom. The man immediately started undressing Daisy. He desperately wanted to get the man away from her. To get her out of here and never let her end up in this situation again. But there was nothing he could do to stop the man as he pulled down his pants and pushed her onto her knees.

“In this timeline, Daisy is still homeless.” Jack told him. “She doesn’t even know her name is Daisy Johnson. She still goes by Skye. You never found her, she never joined SHIELD, so she never found her parents. Or any family at all. She was a hacker, but after the uprising, she tried to hack Hydra. They hunted her down and tried to kill her. She barely survived. They destroyed her laptop, and she couldn’t afford a new one. She was unemployed and homeless. So she turned to prostitution to make money.” 

The man pulled Daisy up and threw her on the bed. He climbed on top of her. Phil turned and walked out. He couldn’t bear to watch this anymore. 

He sat down on the apartment stairs and cried. How could he have been so wrong? He thought everyone would be better off if he wasn’t there. They should have been better off if he wasn’t there. He was responsible for so many horrible things that had happened to them. But now he knew that if he wasn’t there, they would have all suffered much worse. 


	5. Chapter 5

“Come on.” Jack told him after a few minutes. “It’s time to go.”

Phil followed Jack down the stairs. But the next room they entered was his office at the Playground. 

“Why are we here?” He asked.

“We’re back in your timeline.” Jack explained. “You’ve seen what would have happened to your friends and to the world without you here. They need you, and you need them. Have you learned that lesson yet?”

“I have.” Phil answered honestly. 

“Are you glad you’re alive now?”

“I’ve never been more glad in my life.”

“Then my work here is done.” Jack smiled.

“So you’re leaving me now?”

“Oh no. I’ll never really leave you.” He promised. “I’m your guardian angel. I’ll always watch over you.”

“Thank you.” Phil told him. 

“You’re welcome, my friend.”

And just like that, Jack disappeared. 

Phil walked out of his office. He found his team gathered in the med bay. Everyone looked up when he entered. 

“You’re back.” Daisy smiled.

“I am. And you’re awake.” He remarked. “You’re all awake. You’re all alive.”

“We were worried about you.” Melinda told him. “You were gone for awhile. And you didn’t tell anyone where you were going.”

“I know. I’m sorry about that.” 

“Have you looked at the time?” Mack asked him. “It’s almost two in the morning. It’s Christmas morning.”

“Merry Christmas.” He told them.

“Baby Jesus has been born and we’re all alive and accounted for.” Yo-Yo remarked. “I think this calls for a celebration.”

“Amen to that.” Jemma smiled. 

They had no idea how relieved he was to see all of them. They were all alive, happy, and not Hydra. And he was here for them. Like they were here for him. 

He didn’t tell them anything about Jack or the alternate timeline he saw. Instead, he poured them all eggnog and Fitz put on some Christmas music. They laughed and sang, and those who were able to get up and dance did, all simply grateful to be alive. It was a wonderful life indeed. 

“Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind.” They sang. “Should auld acquaintance be forgot for auld lang syne. For auld lang syne, my dear. For auld lang syne. We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet, for auld lang syne.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you had a Merry Christmas, and I hope you have a Happy New Year! 
> 
> Please remember that if you’re suffering with depression/mental illness, that suicide is not the answer. Reach out to someone, or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. The number is 1-800-273-8255.


End file.
